Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
