I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
