I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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