Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
