i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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