Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
