i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
