Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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