what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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