How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
