Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
