I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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