They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
