is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
