btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
