T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
