Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
