turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
