Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
