I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
