Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
