I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
