Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just pee around me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize