thus making me awesome and them whores
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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