If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
