this beer tastes like vomit already
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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