why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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