what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize