May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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