Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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