oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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