this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
