I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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