Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize