You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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