Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
