The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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