My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
