i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
