giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
