If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
