I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
