I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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