Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize