I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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