Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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