We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
