Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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