you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
