While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
