Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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