I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
