i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
