I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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