i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
