4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
