About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
