You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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