I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize