you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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