i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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