we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
