i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish i was in the wii world.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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